Chocolate Chip Cookie Contest
by Mird
Summary: Mird makes the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist enter a chocolate chip cookie making contest...What could POSSIBLY go wrong? Oneshot, the result of Mird's sudden obsession with crackfics...


**Got this idea while making blueberry muffins this morning...They're for my mom. It's her birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! (Hear that? That's the sound of her not saying anything. Yup. That's right. She's not reading this.)**

**Anyways, I would make her cake...But she requested muffins. A-yup. And there's only one kind of cake that she'll eat, anyways, because she doesn't eat butter...Picky, picky. -__-**

**Well, you guys get cookies, not muffins. Here ya go!**

Chocolate Chip Cookie Contest

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One day, Mird was bored. So she decided to bug the people in the land of Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction just a little bit more, by starting a chocolate chip cookie baking contest. She gave the same recipe to each and every character of FMA to see how badly they could fuck it up.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Roy burned his cookies; they're inedible.

Riza used bullets for chocolate chips...And Black Hayate pissed in the batter.

Elicia had no idea what she was doing and burned her finger on the stove.

Hughes got distracted by Elicia and never got around to anything but preheating the oven.

Gracia made amazing cookies that were definitely the best out of all of them.

Paninya stole Gracia's cookies.

Ed's cookies were so small that no one could see them.

Al grew up around Ed, so he doesn't know how to cook.

Winry used the wrong kind of oil, and she got the screws mixed up with the chocolate chips. So now Ed's automail is covered in chocolate, and the cookies are filled with screws.

Den, the genderless dog,(1) made awesome cookies because Den is awesome.

Izumi used the cookie batter to strangle someone and was disqualified.

Gluttony ate all the ingredients before even starting the cookies and was disqualified.

Lust made cookies that everyone wanted, because she is Lust. Her cookies had big breasts.

Envy was jealous of Lust's cookies because he knew everyone would want them, so he sabotaged her by sprinkling the batter with some cayenne pepper that he found in Mird's kitchen.

Tucker mixed all his cookie ingrediants without looking at the recipe and created a mutant chimera that ate him whole. Tucker is a fucker. And Nina is alive.

Nina didn't even notice the ingredients. She just sat in the corner and played with Elicia.

Fuhrer Bradley added his own super special secret ingredient...Melons.

Kimblee laughed evilly and exploded the oven, then started poking people annoyingly.

Armstrong's cookies were covered in bright, pink sparkles, so it was impossible to see them.

Russell and Fletcher worked together. Russell died because Mird doesn't like him, and Fletcher was so cute that the cookies came out perfectly because of the power of cuteness.

Olivier's cookies killed all other cookies within reach.

Havoc's cookies were toxic because he smoked to much while making them. They had to be thrown out.

Breda made reasonable cookies, but he ate all but one of them when they came out of the oven. The burned his tongue off and went into a coma because of blood loss.

Fuery dropped his glasses into the batter and...Did something...Fuery-ish.

Falman didn't make cookies because he is boring and frowns upon anything fun...Like sugar. Instead, he wrote a report about the history of chocolate chip cookies.

Hohenheim added an extra ingredient to the concoction...Chemical X. And thus, the powerpuff girls were born!

Trisha is dead. Silly! Dead people can't cook!

Sheska fell asleep with her face in the batter because Hughes had been making her work too much lately.

Yoki bribed Paninya to give him Gracia's cookies.

Scar exploded his cookies in the name of Ishbal...But he was actually kind of sad, because he has a secret sugar dependency.

Barry The Chopper sharpened the cookies...Somehow...And turned them into miniature knives, which he used to kill Yoki. He took Gracia's cookies from Yoki and turned them into more small knives, then ran out of the building laughing like a maniac.

Rose whined and complained that there wasn't enough sugar, and the flour was staining her shirt, and the chocolate chips weren't made of rare, expensive chocolate and how she could be doing other, more important things with her time, like going to a Jonas Brothers concert or fucking Ed.

Al Heidrich ignored the cookies all together and concentrated on trying to figure out how to spell his own name.

Noa joined Rose in her complaining, and they agreed to fuck Ed together. Ed heard none of this because he was too busy trying to figure out how to make bigger cookies.

Then Gluttony and Izumi came in and killed everyone because they were upset about being disqualified. Al and Mird were the only survivors. They went on a month long vacation to Hawaii.

THE. END.

* * *

**I'm starting to think 'cookies' had a second meaning...O__O**

**(1) Seriously...Is Den a girl or a boy?!**

**REVIEWS**


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